Xenophobia

There can be only one

In todays world commerce there are 3 main types of countries. There are public pockets like the US of Aid, freeloaders like Canada, and then there's Belgium. Belgium is different because it's the only country that freeloads off a freeloader. Or freeloader to the second power (freeloader^2). To explain it in other words, Belgium hides behind France for protection. That's just ridiculous. I could see England, maybe Germany, but France? Come on guys, is there pot in those waffles? Today we will be taking a close look at the country of Belgium including it's specs, history, and culture. Then after that I'll just take cheap shots at the country.

Belgiums specs

Capital: Brussels

Official languages: Dutch, French, German
(note: there is no belgiumish because freeloaders^2 take languages too)

Government: Constitutional monarchy
(a blend of Englands old and new government styles. Again, nothing original from the Belgians)

Independence: Belgian Revolution, 1830
(The reason was because the Dutch were freeloading off from freeloaders^2, and that just goes too far)

Area: 30,528 km²
(705,371 km² including France)

Motto: Strength lies in unity
(translation: strength lies in using France as a shield)

Political parites: right-wing Liberals, Christian Democrats,
(Again, the Belgians steal, this time from the French's culture of backwards thinking.)

History of Belgium

In 1830, the people of what is now Belgium were tired of going too Dutch, and not enough French. Instead of being the freeloaders to the French, they finally got a taste of their own medicine when the Dutch decided to freeload off them. This made the Belgians mad. Call it a double standard if you want, but I believe the Belgians knew this world wasn't ready to experience a freeloader^3. Not even Stephan Hawking would be able to grasp such a concept. So eventually the Belgians did the world a favor and put an end to the potential horrors by having their very own revolution. After the revolution, Belgium was still an extension of France and the Netherlands, but at least they put an end to this freeloading^3.

Culture of Belgium

The country of Belgium has a culture that (like France) appreciates the fine arts. It includes a taste in music and artwork as you can see in the below painting which proves that the land of Oz is actually in Belgium.

(down for now thanks to the morons over at wikipedia)

Of course the Belgians enjoy other forms of art including film and food. On the topic of food, there are three foods you do not want to be between them and a Belgian. They are chocolate, waffles, and not so much of a surprise, french fries.

Belgian jokes

Ten reasons for being Belgian:
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do it in your country.
3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
4. You are either like the Dutch, just less efficient. like the French, just less romantic. Or like the Germans, just less genocidal.
5. Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer.
6. No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French and they make fun of you.
7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares
9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders
10. Face it. It's not really a country, is it?

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Belgium?
A: God couldn't find three wise men in Belgium.