Xenophobia

There can be only one

In todays world commerce there are 3 main types of countries. There are public pockets like the US of Aid, freeloaders like Canada, and then there's Belgium. Belgium is different because it's the only country that freeloads off a freeloader. Or freeloader to the second power (freeloader^2). To explain it in other words, Belgium hides behind France for protection. That's just ridiculous. I could see England, maybe Germany, but France? Come on guys, is there pot in those waffles? Today we will be taking a close look at the country of Belgium including it's specs, history, and culture. Then after that I'll just take cheap shots at the country.

Belgiums specs

Capital: Brussels

Official languages: Dutch, French, German
(note: there is no belgiumish because freeloaders^2 take languages too)

Government: Constitutional monarchy
(a blend of Englands old and new government styles. Again, nothing original from the Belgians)

Independence: Belgian Revolution, 1830
(The reason was because the Dutch were freeloading off from freeloaders^2, and that just goes too far)

Area: 30,528 km²
(705,371 km² including France)

Motto: Strength lies in unity
(translation: strength lies in using France as a shield)

Political parites: right-wing Liberals, Christian Democrats,
(Again, the Belgians steal, this time from the French's culture of backwards thinking.)

History of Belgium

In 1830, the people of what is now Belgium were tired of going too Dutch, and not enough French. Instead of being the freeloaders to the French, they finally got a taste of their own medicine when the Dutch decided to freeload off them. This made the Belgians mad. Call it a double standard if you want, but I believe the Belgians knew this world wasn't ready to experience a freeloader^3. Not even Stephan Hawking would be able to grasp such a concept. So eventually the Belgians did the world a favor and put an end to the potential horrors by having their very own revolution. After the revolution, Belgium was still an extension of France and the Netherlands, but at least they put an end to this freeloading^3.

Culture of Belgium

The country of Belgium has a culture that (like France) appreciates the fine arts. It includes a taste in music and artwork as you can see in the below painting which proves that the land of Oz is actually in Belgium.

(down for now thanks to the morons over at wikipedia)

Of course the Belgians enjoy other forms of art including film and food. On the topic of food, there are three foods you do not want to be between them and a Belgian. They are chocolate, waffles, and not so much of a surprise, french fries.

Belgian jokes

Ten reasons for being Belgian:
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do it in your country.
3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
4. You are either like the Dutch, just less efficient. like the French, just less romantic. Or like the Germans, just less genocidal.
5. Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer.
6. No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French and they make fun of you.
7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares
9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders
10. Face it. It's not really a country, is it?

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Belgium?
A: God couldn't find three wise men in Belgium.

Alright, time for my first real post. This here series called profile potentials will be a top 5 list of ethnic groups we should be racially profiling. Well, here it goes.

5- French rioters

Recently French rioters have become more and more competitive in seeing who can stand the riot spray the longest. Young Jaucque has taken the gold with .03 seconds. French police have claimed the riot spray is used against the French because they hate showers. Just as the French's greatest fear is exploited, the same would go for any other country. If there is ever riots in England you can expect the riot police to be holding giant toothbrushes.

Ironically, the riots are a product of French businessmen wanting to have the option of firing workers who aren't competitive. This looks like another case of the French out-Frenching themselves again. But perhaps it would be best if the French lived up to their reputation and surrendered to the police armed with squirt guns, because I hear that water is really, really cold.

4- Venezuelan Soldiers

Venezuelan president, Hugo Chavez has recently stated that he plans on sending Venezuelan soldiers to America to attack us in what he calls his resistance of war. In other news, the cocaine business in Venezuela is a boom right now.

3- Undocumented Mexicans

In the past few days, bills supporting amnesty to illegal immigrants have been brought to the floor, at the same time large protests have taken place to say illegal immigration is okay. In other news, cocaine is a boom in Mexico as well.

2- Chinese Port Operators

A Chinese company will soon be taking over port security in some foreign ports where goods are shipped to America. It is suspected that this company supports world wide Communism and may use violence to obtain it. Their tactic of warfare against the Americans are by smuggling weapons, some say. With this new opening, the Chinese will have no problem striking America by way of ports. That is why we must be informed of Chinese weaponry hidden in crates. Their weaponry includes firecrackers, bottlerockets, sparklers, and sharp leaves.

1- Iraqi Camels

Reports have come out that Saddam Hussein was planning on using 'camels of mass destruction' on the American people by strapping weaponry and explosives on to camels and sending them into a battlefield. Although Saddam is gone, these camels still present a threat and could be lurking anywhere. But sadly, the only way to tell if a camel is a threat is to push on its hump. If you hear a beep followed by an explosion, you'll know you found a very naughty camel.

(Please read the disclaimer first)

Welcome to Xenophobia! First things first. If you're not from America, then F- off, you're not wanted here. Go on, scoot. No I'm serious, leave now. Are we all set, good, wonderful. Well, now that It's just me and my fellow Americans I'll get to my explanation of what the heck this blog is all about.

Terrorist attacks, illegal immigration, dodgy truck drivers, you've seen it all, right here in your country. And you know who is to blame for corrupting your country, foreigners. You know that's why, but you won't admit it, you can't. You've been raised in a society where it is socially unacceptable to ridicule those who are destroying your country. You'd be too afraid, afraid of being ridiculed yourself, perhaps jailed for a hate-crime. In the back of your head you know you fear and despise foreigners, so why not just admit it? Why not just proudly admit you're a xenophobe? Why not? What are you afraid of? Other countries? That's why, whether you admit it or not, are a xenophobe. So you take your pick. Proudfully admit your xenophobia, or end up with an ulcer. It's your choice. Do you fear or hate certain other countries? Do you see certain other countries as inferior to your own? Are you getting tired of immigration altogether, even legal? If you said yes, then you're a xenophobe! If you know you are one, why keep denying it? Stand up for your beliefs you xenophobe!

With that said, some of you will dismiss me as a hateful bigot. To those who think that I say, screw you Commie! You're no better than the Canadians who had to leave after the first paragraph! Shoo I say. Others of course will obsorb my reasoning, maybe not quite accept it, but are willing to read on. To those, I say welcome to a new beginning. A day where your mind has been opened to a new way of thinking. To those I say thank you, you are the Americans I respect.

As for my actual writings, I plan on writing a nice big piece once a week, on Saturday maybe. For these posts I will target a single country and ridicule it in every way and explain why this country should not be supported. Of course I will write other posts about whatever is on my mind, all having to do with other countries, and what's wrong with them. I plan on doing fun things like top 10 lists, and I'll even pick up some current events. But it's the weekly posts you'll want to look out for.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to writing this blog and I hope you all will plan on reading it too. See you all soon!

This blog is mainly for humorous, satirical, and ventilation purposes only and is not to be taken completely serious. The views expressed by the author of this blog and the blogs commentors are not to be taken as their actual personal views and opinions, on most occasions. Material is not meant to be offensive, only humorous, yet if you are still offended by certain material it is possible you could convince the author to remove certain comments. Thank you very much, and have fun!

-Cody O'Connor